Sick but blessed

As I mentioned in one of my last blogs I have been sick a lot this past month. Before I came I said that I knew this would be hard, in fact probably the hardest thing I have ever done. Well there have definitely been some hard points so far. Romans 5:3-5 says “… but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Being terribly sick 4 weeks in a row would have been too much for me in the past.  Especially the last time, which even so worried me a little until I talked to my friend and nurse. It was very clear to me that morning that something serious was wrong with my stomach and that I needed to get to see the doctor as soon as possible. In the past I would have thrown up my hands and said I can’t do this anymore, and just given up. But that is not so now. Don’t get me wrong I will follow the doctor’s orders to a T and listen to the wisdom of my friends, who are nurses and my leaders in Journey Corps, but I am not giving up or giving in to worry or despair. All because God has been producing perseverance and character in my life already, he has prepared me for this and is growing me still through this.

            I won’t give you any of the gory details, but I will tell you how amazing God has been to me this whole time. Especially the first night I was terribly sick all night, God was there. He didn’t take it away, he didn’t make it stop, as we all like to absolutely demand of him. But he was there with me. “God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” The whole night he was near, giving me peace, bringing good Christian songs to mind and speaking to me through them; giving me a minute to stand amazed at the stars on a clear moonless night, and a shooting star too; teaching me about love and grace in the midst of the curse, in the midst of pain and illness. I fell even more in love with him that night and the next day when he spoke to me through others and his word showing me that blessing comes through pain as a song says, “I am blessed beyond a curse and his promise will endure, his joy’s gonna be my strength. Though the pain may last through the night, joy comes in the morning” (I’m Trading my Sorrows). He gave me peace, he gave me wisdom, he provided for me and I was able to go and rest in Ferké by car, which is a lot nicer on an upset stomach and a weak body (than moto).

            I have been sick twice more since then. The next time I thought it was unrelated and though I rested, I didn’t stay in Ferké for that. Nonetheless I learned more along the same lines in this illness too. This last time though as I said it was a little more serious and made me realize that all three illnesses of this type are more connected than I thought. I was afraid, but God came and comforted me and I decided to praise him as the song says “I will praise you in this storm, I will lift my hands for you are who you are no matter where I am, every tear I cry you hold in your hand, you’ve never left my side, though my heart is torn I will praise you in this storm” (Casting Crowns). That song greatly encouraged me, and God helped me remember all of the chorus (I don’t have the song to listen to).  He is who he is no matter where I am! What a powerful truth. He is the same amazing, loving, gracious, sovereign God even when a friend has died, the body is (or seems to be) falling apart and all of life seems to be rebelling. So I will glory in my sufferings, my stomach and all of its problems, my friend’s death, loss of being able to eat anything they put in front of me (I’m on a special diet now), I will glory in these things because I am gaining perseverance, character and hope. I am seeing some of this hope that I am gaining and I must say it is deeper and richer than ever before. God is so good and I am so thankful for all of the people he has put in my life here who have helped me, encouraged me and even taken care of me (all people I have only known for about 2 months some as long as 4 months). God's provision, his presence, his love and his teaching make all of the frustration, pian and ick fade away. “Like sunlight burning at midnight, making my life something so beautiful, beautiful, mercy reaching to save me, all that I need, you are so beautiful, beautiful!” ((well the whole song applies actually :)Francesca Battistelli, Beautiful, Beautiful).